PEOPLE - 68 SENIOR MATT FEOEAU works tofix computer problems in acontrol room Nov. 15.ln the last two weeks of August alone, DOnTInet re<eived 2,371 calls requesting computer help. 'R.KECK 'THWUP'sound causes 'AIM-less abyss' I do not envy the Dormnet per- angle," were my exact thoughts. sonnel. Unfortunately,oomethefustThursOn a daily basis, they have day at Harding. my Dormnetconnecto deal with people who have lion went "THWUP" (actual quote), all the computer savvy of Cana- leaving me without a working Internet dian geese, many of whom have connection for seven days, or, in Interjust received top-<>f-the-line laptops net-Iess-Orris-time, 74 years. for graduation and aren't exactly sure I had no idea what the problem on some of the finer points of how was, but I was beyond certain that the to use them, such as, which half of problemwason Donnnet's side. After the machine you are alla.wed to nail all, I am a certified computer science to the wall. major, capable of turning in irnpresLet's face it, these people couldn't sive database applications a mere two reboot their way outofa paper bag. 1 months after the knowexactJY hOWthese:peo:p~le~=::=:::;;;~1;;trr'~ due date. How are,becausejustthis ~~£R could the guilt semester (that's Fall possibly lay 2004, for those of you with me, of all reading from distant people? eras), 1learned that 1 But then afam one of them. terseveralnear-fatal My Dormnet con- withdrawal attacks, like a telephone nection was working fine when I ring out of the AJM-Jess abyss, came first plugged my computer into the a telephone ring. It was Dormnet, and friendly jack on the dorm wall, even they had solved the problem. though there were several brightly "The problem," they said, "is that colored sheets of paper informing you are an idiot." me that my connection should not OK. t:ha;ewerenottheirexactwords, have been working fine. but to a computer science major, that's Butl paid no heed, asswning that what it sounded like. It turned out my personal brilliance had allayed the my computer had registered an addiproblem. "I must have inserted the tional Ethernet card that, as a technicable into the jack at the precise correct cal matter, did not actually exist, and this was confusing to the brand new toys down at Dormnet, which officials had installed the day the frestimen arrived on campus. "Because massive new hardware installations always work on the first try." Appropriately red-faced, I fixed the problem. I'm not sure how that other Ethemetcard got there. 1 blame gnomes. Now 1 can safely say that Dormnet is wonderful, because they fixed my ronnection in spite of my blatant moronness. And 1 don't envy their jobs. Every day they havetooontend with some of the most computer-clueless people the world has known, some of whom have (at the time of writing) upwards of 2,273 vinuses and 2,046 instances of malware on their computer atone time. Or people who believe their operating system is "Dell." Or people whose computers have morphed, somehow, into fanged monsters that are trying to devour the other dorm furniture - "Have you tried rebooting?" lamglad Iamnotahapless Dormnet employee, yes sir! Now, if you'll excuse me, 1'm off to submerge my PC in a bucket of 409. -CHRIS GUIN Editor's 00Ie: Ollis Guin was a huroor columnist fix the Pe1it karl.
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