No Parking. • • Anywhere, Anytime Car owners wade through stacks of parking tickets. H e was what is known to all security officers as a "repeat offender." It all began during the first few weeks of school, when he forgot to place a parking sticker on his car. One morning when he stumbled out of the dorm, there it was, fluttering wildly under his windshield wiper - a traffic ticket from Harding security. The time: 2:47 a.m. The crime: no car sticker. The second offence soon followed. The suspect often took advantage of the weekend to park in faculty/staff parking areas. One weekend he forgot to move his car, and there it sat Monday morning, where every professor could look angrily at it while the little white ticket wagged its accusing finger at the culprit. The time: 7:32a.m. The crime: parked in a staff lot. Later in the semester, after a night spent in deep study (of course) at a friend's house , the suspect drove back to campus just in time for chapel. He circled the lot behind the student center several times, but to no avail. All spots were filled. So, in order not to be late, our subject indulged in a little creative parking, creating a parking space where one had not existed before. And when he carne back after class, there it was again - the prosecuting ticket. The time: 9:11 a.m. The crime: improperly parked. What did the criminal do with the tickets? The first was proudly posted on his dorm room wall, next to the pink room check slips, the notice of $9.60 in library fines, a chapel warning. In fact, the first several were hung there, along with the pleasant reminders from the Business Office about traffic fines and late penalties. Later he became more creative. One ticket was flushed in anger down one of No Parking Baby! Everyone has seen them, or maybe run over them. YOU know, those little white signs with red letters that say, "No Parking. " They can be found around fire hydrants , narrow streeets, and wa lkways, but rarely do you find them alone. They are usually kept company by the very thing they hate the most, a parked car! - photo by Amy Fisher. 36 No Parking the Keller dorm toilets. Another burned with a giggle of criminal glee. Another fiendishly ripped into 497 pieces. Colored with magic markers, they made remarkably attractive Christmas tree ornaments. He even considered marking the name and car identification out and slipping one under the wiper of a security car the next time he saw one parked improperly - or even properly - as a ineans of friendly retaliation. By now a hardened criminal, parking began to take on a whole new meaning. Obtaining a "Two hours free parking" sign from an unused parking meter on the courthouse square, he affixed it firmly to the headrest of the passenger's seat in his car. It didn' t really give him license to park wherever he wanted. But it definitely proved to be an amusement on dates. Jltt - Eddie Madden
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