ss oom antics How much attention do teachers really have? Y ou remember the class - everybody had at least one. Survey of the Obscure Works of Josephus, Introduction to Toe Weaving, Horticulture 114, or, best of all, Trigonometry Made Simple. I always sort of felt for the teacher who must have known that the very title of his class screamed JOKE. I wondered if he was even faintly aware that his students were quite seriously engaged in learning avoidance - that, for them, the class became an innate intelligence test - a measure of their test-taking ability in the complete absence of subject knowledge . I always suspected at least a partial awareness on his part, because he never tried to give us an essay exam. I really don't think he dared. Since class attendance was required. mental, rather than physical absence, was necessary in order to insure zero cornprehension. Among the most widely used methods was the common and somewhat useful Sleep Approach. It was, at times, quite pleasant, combining the assets of refreshment, seeming lecture speed, and minimal absorption. The risk factor was quite high, however. Once, when we were all being peacefully lulled into oblivion by the hypnotizing hum of a fluorescent light, we were abruptly awakened by what sounded like a gunshot . It was, in fact, the sudden, cracking impact of skull on desk - the sad misfortune of one who had not yet mastered the art of sustained semiconsciousness. Another drawback to the Sleep Approach included the mild embarrassment resulting from uncontrolled snoring , mumbling, drooling, and otherwise unattractive facial contortions. And how could we forget the famous Artistic Approach? My favorite was the "Portrait of a Professor, " done with my Bic Biro Medium Point in black. The trick was in willing him to stay in one place and in catching his eyebrow in that characteristic lift. This method was most effective when five or more students were all concentrating on one piece of art work, sending periodic notes of approval and/or correction. "Good, but he's got less hair than that." "Don't forget the wart on his eyelid," or 'Trn sure his nostrils flare a little more." This would pass the time in even the most dreary class. Indeed, some of my greatest works of art were inspired while suffering through some such educational malignancy. Although the Artistic Approach was aesthetically rewarding, there were other tactics which proved far more effective in direct information blockage. For me, the Note-passing Technique was the best, due to the complex nature of transportation strategies. Getting the notes back and forth across two rows of droolers, three painters, six snackers , and a desk carver was always an engineering feat. The network of silent, ever-industrious avoidance tactics never ceased to amaze me. J2tt - by Laura Daniel "Class-ified." Junior Jon Wood , and Sophomore Randy Wood , both from ~ittie Rock, flip through the Bison , checking out the Campusology dunng a other stimulating lecture . - photo by Amy Fisher. Snoozing the time away! Keith Carringer, a junior from Knoxville, Termessee takes a nap, or could it be notes? No way! - photo by Amy Fisher. Classroom Antics 31
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